I built up a readership through Craigslist, word-of-mouth, commenting on other literary blogs, and eventually got several features through the Manhattan User's Guide, Gothamist, and a few other media outlets. I loved writing the blog. It gave me an outlet for creativity and for intellectual stimulation, something that was sorely lacking in the entry-level editorial assistant position I held at the time. After a year, I started to hold interviews with several authors, editor Nan Talese, and other personalities. Then, in 2008, for personal reasons and law school, I shut the blog down.
Looking back, I can see there was so much untapped potential in New York Brain Terrain. I could have found a way to make it my full-time job. I could have finagled a book deal out of it. But I didn't. Why didn't I do that?
For starters, I never saw New York Brain Terrain as something I could do full time. Even though I entertained fantasies about it, I never really thought that it would be possible to do it. As a result, I limited myself and the possibilities for New York Brain Terrain.
Second, I was more interested in trying to either find a way into the trade publishing industry or in becoming a published author of fiction. These goals blinded me and prevented me from realizing that I had a good thing in New York Brain Terrain and that I could make something of it. It's the classic mistake that distinguishes lucky people from unlucky people.
Why am I bringing this up now, 4 years after I shut down the blog? Well, first of all, reading through The Skool of Life triggered these flashbacks to New York Brain Terrain and what it might have been. Second, I feel like I've been going through the same thing with Chelleline Cards - although this time, I do realize I'm onto something with Chelleline Cards and I have developed Chelleline Cards' potential much more than I ever did with New York Brain Terrain. But what's been frustrating me are my conversations with my father. I didn't announce it here, but I published a legal article in the Journal of the Patent and Trademark Office Society a year ago and it won an award in February. Since then, my dad has been trying to pressure me to do more research and try to find work with law professors in the hopes that it will eventually land me a law professor gig. I agree that it's a good idea for me to do research, since I do enjoy it, but I'm not going to work for a law professor and help someone else advance their career, nor do I have any desire to be a law professor (An English literature professor, yes - and one of my biggest regrets is going to law school instead of to one of the English Ph.D. programs that accepted me - but that's another story for another day).
I don't blame my dad for his opinions. He only wants what's best for me, within his understanding of the world. And to be fair, in many people's understanding of the world, entrepreneurship does not fit into what's "stable" or "best" for someone. However, I've been working at Chelleline Cards long enough to know that there's a better world out there, one that doesn't involve settling for a job that society would approve of. I'm not going to chase legal jobs that I don't even know if I want when I have a good thing going with Chelleline Cards. I will not let myself make the same mistake that I made with New York Brain Terrain. The ego-driven pursuit of a life that looks good on paper was what led me to apply to and attend law school in the first place. It caused me to ignore my dreams - not just the English Ph.D. but also the unconventional but also very real possibilities lying in New York Brain Terrain and my fledging business (Chelleline Cards). I passed up this opportunity once, and it cost me 3 years of my life and $120,000. And it's not a mistake that I'm going to make a second time around. I've reached the point of no return, and there's no going back.
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